Inadvertent Innuendo
by Zerrat
Summary: Jecht takes issue with the 'witty banter' between Kain and Lightning, in true Jecht fashion. Pre-Kain/Lightning.


**Pairings and Characters:** Jecht, Kain/Lightning  
**Rating:** PG (language, sexual references)  
**Word Count:** 800  
**Summary:** Jecht takes issue with the 'witty banter' between Kain and Lightning, in true Jecht fashion.  
**Author's Notes:** Lol, this was inspired by the translation of the new character encounter lines in 012, over at the Dissidia LJ community. A lot of us figured that the Lightning/Kain lines were a little suggestive, even though both of them were dead serious saying it. And so came this fic, and my attempt at humour.

Also: Australian English is being used.

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Inadvertent Innuendo**

Jecht wasn't certain how things had even _gotten _to this point with those two, but one thing was for sure. He'd never laughed so hard in all his life, even when his ankle-biter of a son had tried – and failed – to complete his first Sphere Shot. His howls of laughter were reverberating off the rusted and darkened walls of Kefka's Tower, a beacon to any enemies or Team Chaos that happened to be lurking around, but right now he didn't give a _damn. _

The story started, as they normally did, with three Cosmos Warriors slinking through Chaos-controlled territory, just minding their own business and trying to get by undetected. There had been Jecht, who'd been less than impressed with the low profile they'd had to keep, that stoic dragoon, Kain, and the soldier with the rod up her ass, Lightning. He could have instantly thought of better, more entertaining teammates to travel with, but hey. The Warrior of Light was the boss of this whole shindig, and if _he _said Jecht had to help these two pussies out in defeating one Kefka Palazzo, then who was he to argue?

But Lightning had been even more tense than usual, and Kain had been even quieter. Whatever. Jecht didn't really give a damn about their minor little tiffs; he just wanted to get to the top of the Tower, take out Kefka, and go back to base camp already. Preferably, he'd liked to have done it with as little fuss from either of them as possible, but the gods were just vindictive like that.

He'd promised to be back at camp for another chess match with Laguna again, and those games were something that Jecht took seriously. _Nobody_ defeated the mighty Jecht, even if he'd had to upset the board a few times to maintain that perfect victory streak.

They'd been climbing the Tower in uneasy silence for a good hour, before Jecht finally got sick of the quiet and cleared his throat. Immediately, the soldier-girl scowled at him for daring to interrupt her quiet, and he got the distinct impression that Kain was glaring, too. He rolled his shoulder, ignoring their expressions.

"So," Jecht had said, as they continued to climb the Tower. "Which of us gets to be the one to kick the clown's ass?"

As a celebrity, a glory hound and a blitz-master, Jecht was more than ready to take on Kefka. But he liked to think he was a fair man, and that was why he'd even bothered asking. Even if he had no intention of letting either of the others take the credit for Kefka's fall.

His two companions shot each other a quick look, and said, in unison,

"I will."

The air had seemed to _crackle _with tension, as Kain and Lightning looked back to one another. The next thing Jecht knew, the two of them were circling each other, like two boss fiends locked in the same pen! Lightning's blue eyes had been openly challenging as she circled Kain, her hand resting on the hilt of the mechanical sword at her side. Kain's lance was already in the dragoon's hands, the lower half of the armoured man's face completely expressionless.

"So just how skilled are you, with that spear?" Lightning had asked, her voice low and cutting.

At the taunt, Kain's lips quirked had into the ghost of a smile. "Show me your strength, and I shall show you mine."

There was a moment of tense silence, and then Lightning had simply nodded curtly.

Jecht, on the other hand, had begun to cough the moment the words had come out of Lightning's mouth, and things had only gotten _worse _with Kain's response. From the looks of them, neither had even picked up on the obvious innuendo. Cosmos, they were _entirely serious. _Jecht had begun to laugh, a full-throated chuckle that had filled the rusted old Tower. What a pair of naïve little _virgins. _

Even now, he couldn't stop his howls of laughter, even though Lightning was glaring at him savagely enough to _kill _him. Kain was still dead silent. The two, obviously sick of Jecht's little interruption, simply looked back to each other and resumed their tense circling.

Wiping the tears from his eyes, Jecht straightened and began to walk away from them. "Alright, you two lovebirds. I'mma leave you alone to duke your sexual tension out. Just remember what they told you in sex ed. 'No glove, no love' and all that crap."

Still chortling to himself, he continued up the tower. He didn't even comment when Kain and Lightning simply fell into pace behind him. It was a shame, really. From the looks of things, both of them could have used the chance to work out a little tension.


End file.
